“Verily your Lord is Generous and Shy. If His servant raises his hands to Him (in supplication) He becomes shy to return them empty.” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi) If a believer understands that no dua returns empty, then there should be no doubt that dua is the number one therapy for those who believe in Allah and His messenger. Therefore, its wholesome benefit is numerous and it must be a part of every action of a believer -beginning, middle and end. Dua serves as a pillar in the healing process, like first aid or as a component of preventive action. This attitude is reflected in the Islamic tradition where nothing is too small or too big to ask Allah for. It has been reported that Nana Aisha said: “Let one of you ask his Lord for everything that he needs, even a lace for his shoe if it breaks.”1 The Therapeutic Nature of Dua: Dua is a Stress Reliever:Stress is ‘a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation’. However, a believer knows that nothing happens without the permission of Allah, not even the difficult situations they find themselves in. Hence, they direct their dua to Allah for guidance, support, and relief. This awareness in itself is a relief, knowing that the Most High has their back. The way dua was a relief for the Prophet in many incident of his life, most notably the Macca period. Counselling Therapy with Allah:No matter your position, condition, or status in this life—whether wealthy, poor, knowledgeable, ignorant, saint, or sinner—everyone has dua to act as a weapon that connects their inner self to Allah; to ask, converse, and request. Hence, amid confusion or hopelessness, or when everyone has abandoned you, the only weapon left is dua, to reposition you towards possibilities by connecting you to Allah. What a positive feeling it is to know that you are engaged in a one-on-one conversation with Allah. Healing through His attributes:For us to know Him, Allah has mentioned His names and attributes to us. When we call upon Him using these beautiful names and attributes, we direct our focus to specific needs through His Jamal and Jalal. Allah says: “And Allah’s names are the best names, so call on Him and leave those who violate the sanctity of His Names. They shall be recompensed for what they did.” [Surah Al-A’raf 7:180]So when you feel ill, you know He is the Healer (Ash-Shafi), when you seek some form of opening, you know He is Al-Fattah, and when you seek provision, He is Ar-Razzaq. The more we learn and use these names and attributes, the more aware we become of Him in every situation. Safe Space with Allah:Admittedly, the only being to whom we can fully express ourselves without worry or bias is Allah. We speak to Him honestly, whether our feelings are positive or negative. Unlike humans, Allah is aware of our situation even before we express it, so He is neither surprised nor affected by it. No matter how much trust we place in therapists, counsellors, healers, or friends, there are some things we cannot express—either because they are too personal or because we struggle to articulate them. However, with Allah, we know that He understands us better than our expression. This awareness alone provides relief. Dua is a Comforter:This is how the Prophet trained the Ummah. He taught us a dua for every situation, whether at the beginning or the end. The benefit of dua is that it provides us with a sense of assurance and confidence that we are under the protection of Allah’s will. Even if things do not unfold as we expect, we trust in Allah knowing that He is always in control, and the outcome aligns with His wisdom, which we may not fully comprehend. Dua is a Bridge to Healing:Yes, dua is the gateway to miracles. Therefore, even in the most obvious situations, dua can turn things around because we understand that the result of dua is coming from a realm of possibility rather than impossibility. Effectiveness of Dua In conclusion, dua is an essential component of healing, mental stability, and overall wellness because it is the singular weapon that transcends all boundaries in the life of a believer, both spiritually and physically. Therefore, dua should be regarded as the sibling to the actions of the limbs. Recall the words of Allah in the Hadith Qudsi: “O My servants! If the first of, and the last of you; if the jinn of you and the men of you, were to stand on one plain and ask Me, and I gave every single person what he wanted, then all of that would not decrease from My Kingdom, except like a needle (decreases the amount of water) when it is placed in the ocean (and then taken out).”2
Category Archives: Self Purification
By Zaheda Motala Living with a toxic or narcissistic spouse can be an emotional roller coaster, where self-confidence is shattered, personal boundaries are constantly violated, and one’s sense of reality is distorted. Case Study Sara was a pious and righteous 20-year-old girl who had always strived to please Allah. She had been married to Akbar, a successful businessman, whose charismatic presence had initially drawn her in. However, after the honeymoon ended, just in the first month of their marriage, Sara noticed that Akbar was consumed by his ego. He constantly sought praise and approval from her, and as much as she tried, she couldn’t please him. Over time, Akbar’s behaviour grew increasingly toxic. His need for attention and validation manifested in verbal aggression towards Sara. He would belittle her, dismiss her opinions, and make her feel small and insignificant. Sara, always trying to keep the peace and salvage the marriage, silently endured the emotional torment, believing that she could somehow change\ Akbar or find a way to make the marriage work. However, the constant emotional strain began to take its toll on Sara. She felt isolated, her self-esteem crumbling under the weight of Akbar’s toxic behaviour. She found herself withdrawing from her family and friends, feeling unable to share the truth of her suffering with anyone. Nights were spent in tears, silently praying pleading for guidance from Allah and relief from the pain of her situation. It was during one visit that Sara’s mother asked her why Sara would not visit her for weeks on end, to which Sara’s tears flowed without restriction. Sensing her daughter’s distress, she knew something was wrong and intervened. Seeing the toll that the marriage was taking on Sara, she gently urged her to seek help. Understanding that seeking therapy was still stigmatised in some circles, especially in the context of marriage, Sara’s mother assured her that seeking professional guidance did not contradict their Islamic beliefs. She reminded Sara of the importance of mental and emotional well-being, and how seeking help when struggling was not a sign of weakness, but rather a proactive step towards seeking healing and peace. Encouraged by her mother’s words, Sara found the courage to seek therapy. Through her sessions, she learned to recognize the signs of emotional abuse and manipulation. She discovered that the dynamics of her relationship with Akbar were deeply unhealthy and that she wasn’t alone in her suffering. She began to understand that her worth was not defined by Akbar’s words or actions and that she deserved to be treated with respect and kindness. Her therapist, a kind and understanding woman, also helped Sara integrate Islamic teachings into her healing process. Together, they explored the concept of patience, not as a passive acceptance of abuse, but as a strength for healing. With the guidance of her therapist and the support of her mother, Sara found strength in Dua and Tahajjud Salaah. With a newfound sense of self-worth, she firmly expressed her boundaries and expectations for their marriage. Conclusion While the road to healing was not easy, Sara began to set healthy boundaries to seek relief from the toxic grip of Akbar’s demeaning behaviour. To begin with, she started doing the social work that she used to do before marriage. At first, Akbar resisted by saying, “There’s no need for you to work”. However, Sara explained to him politely but firmly, that it was not work but service to humanity. Helping others and putting a smile on people’s faces gave Sara inner peace. She returned home content and feeling accomplished. With time, Sara’s newfound assertiveness and self-respect began to shape the dynamics of her marriage with Akbar. While he initially resisted the changes, Sara’s unwavering commitment to her well-being began to influence Akbar’s behaviour. He gradually recognized the strength and resilience within Sara. Advice What should one do if married to a spouse exhibiting toxic or narcissistic behaviours?: 1. Make dua to Allah Tala for protection against the harmful actions and intentions of a narcissist. 2. Consider thinking of one’s spouse as a Ma’zhur (one who is excused by the Shariah due to an illness or excuse). Although they might not legally qualify as one, the perspective may help create an understanding in the mind. 3. Make Dua and ask Allah to help your spouse heal from their bad toxic traits. Continue to make Dua for them. 3. Allah promises an increase in bounties for those who show gratitude. Therefore, shift the focus on the spouse’s good qualities and remain grateful to Allah for the goodness. 4. Once in a while, feed your spouse’s ego by showering them with the compliments they want to hear. However, don’t over-exhaust yourself. Be genuine. 5. Set healthy boundaries, with all due respect, where you don’t allow yourself to be trampled upon. 6. Seek professional help from a learned Islamic Counselor. 7. Strengthen your connection with Allah. 8. Try to cope with your spouse’s behaviours by not taking them personally’ and putting a temporary shield between their behaviour and you. Suppose they belittle you by passing a nasty comment, then put a barrier between that comment and yourself and do something that brings joy to your heart like watering the plants, praying, or baking. 9. Continue to pray this dua in abundance: اللھم لا تسلط علینا من لا یرحمنا، ولا يخافك فینا Allahumma laa tusalit alayna man laa yarhamna wa laa yakhaafuka feek 10. Recite this Ayah throughout the day – وَ اُفَوِّضُ اَمْرِیْۤ اِلَى اللّٰهِؕ-اِنَّ اللّٰهَ بَصِیْرٌۢ بِالْعِبَادِ 11. Please seek professional help and support especially if verbal abuse becomes physical. Conclusion In the end, Sara’s story serves as a reminder that seeking help and guidance is not at odds with our Deen. Rather, they are essential tools in navigating the complexities of life and striving towards emotional and spiritual well-being.
You might be wondering what challenge has to do with someone who has passed away centuries back. Well, his sadaqatu jariah lives on and one of his blessed works – the Ihya is very much alive with us and I want to take us through how all the forty books in the magnus can help us prepare for Ramadan. Ihya is arguably the most talked-about book in Islam after the Qur’an and the books of hadith. Ihya is praised for capturing every aspect of knowledge an average Muslim needs to live a life of fulfillment and Imam Ghazali has a way of making you feel that you are sitting with him whenever you are reading from the book. I have rated The Magus Opus as the all-time best-selling self-help book. The Ihya ulumudeen is composed of Four Parts or Quarters and each quarter has 10 books hence a total of 40 books on various topics systematically laid out in order of relevance from abstract to essence and from the beginning to the end of life of a human being. And each of these topics has been explained in metaphors that made the lessons more relatable to our core. Ramadan is a month chosen to be special such that human beings are made to sculpt the best out of themselves for both the Ephemeral and after-life. We are encouraged to double our potential for the greater good so, that believer do their best to outdo others eager to learn and unlearn the best ways to achieve maximum rewards in the Holy months. Here are some summarised applications from the 40 chapters – arranged in the order of the book, that hopefully will give a direction on what to seek out for in Ramadan: Knowledge – Seek or review relevant knowledge (shariah) on what is required of you in Ramadan. The significance of Ramadan and some related relevant histories. Most significantly the spiritual significance of the components of Ramadan with your lord. Reaffirm your acceptance of the articles of faith and hold on to the correct beliefs in Allah and his messenger without anchoring any grudge in your submission, no doubt it will prepare you mentally for Ramadan knowing that you are about to journey on the instruction of your Lord. Learn to stay purified both externally and internally – by de-cluttering filthy; words, images, thoughts, and actions unbefitting of a Muslim in your preparation. Raise the bar of your Salah by constantly practising your focus when you have the chance to be one-on-one with Allah. Salah is a gift that makes the believer VIP before their Lord. Give the charity for Allah’s sake, and be kind to your recipients knowing that they are the ones doing you a favour. For those of us unable to give Zakah, let it be known that no one is disqualified from giving sadaqah or charity. So check all the gifts and blessings of Allah upon you and give out of it, even in your smile. Reflect on the metaphorical lesson in the Hajj or pilgrimage on how the whole exercise reflects the human journey from Allah to Allah. Develop friendship with the Qur’an, invocations and supplication and Night vigil activities to get closer to Allah. It is a known tradition that it is through voluntary actions that a slave attains high station and true celebrity status. The theme of the Second quarter is about Norms of Daily life. Manners of eating is the first topic and it is very relevant to Ramadan – the fear of hunger and evening feasting makes us lose our spiritual focus, so beware and be disciplined. Do not – in the name of Ramadan, develop strained relations in your marriage and it should not stop your acquisition and earning of a livelihood. Ramadan is not asking us to pause our mundane but to bring the best out of us while living our normal lives by abiding by lawful and staying away from prohibited acts, strengthening brotherhood in every possible way while avoiding too much or unnecessary socialization to develop your spiritual energy and mental health. Enjoy pleasurable sounds, and the best of them is the recitation of the Quran. Enjoy good, forbid evil, and live the Muhammadan way in your mannerisms. In the third quarter, the theme is about the thing that can lead us to perdition but Imam Ghazali started by explaining the wonders of the heart because that is the centre and the core of humans where the spirit meets the nafs hence, the centre of control. If the core of human beings is understood, such knowledge will help us stay alert and return whenever we are straying from moderation. Watching out the seat of desires; the stomach and the private parts, shunning Rancor and Envy, condemning the world through the realization of its reality, condemning miserliness, love of wealth, status and ostentation, pride, conceit and self-delusion. The final quarter discusses the way to salvation. The things that can help you stay moderate, elevated and return every affair to our Lord, are repentance, patience and thankfulness, having fear and hope in your Creator, through the affirmation of His attributes and essence. Cultivating abstinence, having faith in divine unity and trust in divine providence should lead to intimacy and contentment. Renaming pure in our intention, sincere and trustworthy. Constant self-examination and meditation. And ultimately to constantly remember death and the afterlife to prepare for it. The journey of life is a constant struggle, driving through the storm and fighting to be on the right track. A successful journey requires that one remain focused on the goal of the journey by constantly renewing the intentions and orientating the self to Allah to lead us to the right action and a good ending. Ramadan is a month that encourages us to buckle up and these 40 lessons can help us stay on track in Ramadan and even beyond, such that if Allah blesses us to be successful in them, our […]
I thought I’d share some learnings from a lecture series by ISIP and Al-Ghazali Chair (ISTAC-IIUM) on Imam Ghazali’s perspective on the human psyche being conducted by Dr Osman Bakar, current holder of the Al-Ghazali chair at ISTAC. Look After Your Soul We all know that our soul is from God. But it gets impacted as it rides on our body based on how we live our life, resulting in each of our souls ultimately being different. This is what gets assessed and is answerable to God. The Prophet ﷺ said everything has a head or leader. So the soul is the leader of all the faculties of the body and all the other body parts literally serve it, and not the other way around. This is why Imam Al-Ghazali considers ailments of the body holistically, with them ultimately being ailments of the soul. In addition, God creates everything for a purpose – our hands are for grasping, our eyes for seeing etc. Our soul was created to know its Creator, our Creator. That is its purpose. So when we deprive our soul of what it was created for, it’s like preventing our eyes from seeing, our legs from walking etc. Hence, just like for any body part, there will be ramifications to oneself for this. But as our soul ultimately answers to God, the stakes are much much higher. It seems a perfect example of the body in service to the soul, as can be seen in prayer (Salah). From the Takbir of Allahu-Akbar by the tongue to the lifting of the hands, the focus of the eyes, the movements of the legs, the raising of the index finger – these are all done to serve our soul- the leader, for its purpose of worshipping its Creator. And perhaps that is why such bodily movements that depending on mobility can require some effort, actually bring peace. In his book “The Alchemy of Happiness,” Al-Ghazali further represents the journey in life to know and seek the love of God through a parable of a rider on a horse seeking a prize, armed with tools for the journey. The successful one will in the end be relieved to be able to finally dismount and put down the burden of the cumbersome tools. But the unsuccessful one will be aggrieved at having to do so while their task is still incomplete. Since the soul continues to carry the impression on it after death, deeds such as perpetual remembrance and love of God get carried into the next world. Conversely, bitterness from parting from the enjoyments of this world by the lovers of this world, also outlast their death. “The world pretends that it will always remain with you. While as a matter of fact, it is slipping away from you moment by moment, and bidding you farewell. Like a shadow which seems stationary, but is actually moving.” Al-Ghazali -By Abdullah