by Dian L Izwar, Clinical Psychologist – Islamic Jakarta Pondok Kopi Hospital , Jakarta – Indonesia
Years ago, a friend of mine said he wanted to talk to me.
“Okay, what’s up?” I asked.
“First, I want you to be my psychologist, not my friend,” he replied.
He was so serious that I could not help but frown and asked,
“Why?”
“Psychologists help their clients, right?” he asked.
“Of course,” I said.
“And they don’t judge…” he said.
I had no idea what he was up to. So, I waited and listened with a big question mark in my heart.
“Psychologists help their clients to be happy. She supports her client’s well-being, right?” he said.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Promise me you’ll be my psychologist,” he said.
“Okay,” I agreed.
After a moment of silence, he said, “I’m gay.”
I held my breath. I had promised to be his psychologist. I reminded myself that I should be professional. Though I was shocked, I stayed calm. I listened to his story.
He was coming out, and he wanted me to help him live a happy life with his choice. I was tortured. I didn’t say a word.
“I know what you’re going to say as my friend. I don’t want to hear that. I want you to be my psychologist. It took a long time for me to finally realize who I am. I read the DSM. I’ve learned that in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, homosexuality is no longer classified as a disorder. My condition is not a disorder, right?” he asked.
I gathered myself and said, “Yes.”
The “yes” I said that day caused a heavy burden in my heart. I wondered why can’t I be his friend while I’m his psychologist? How come these roles contradict each other?
As a friend I wanted the best for him, I wanted to help him go straight. I knew he needed help but he didn’t want it. Even more, he expected me to support him by saying that my profession should help people like him, and that the client’s well-being is a psychologist’s top priority.
At that moment, for the first time since my graduation, I questioned my profession as a psychologist. Is it true that mental well-being is the main goal in psychotherapy and counselling? In the case of homosexuality, should I support my client’s mental well-being when he chose to be gay just because the DSM no longer considers it as a mental disorder?
I started thinking deeply about the DSM. As a reference for clinical psychologists, I learned to use this manual back in college. I thought that everything in it was true. I knew DSM has been revised in each edition. I used to think that the revision of the DSM was related to the development of theories or new findings in the field of psychology, but removing homosexuality as a mental disorder in DSM-5 bothered me somehow. I felt that there’s something wrong. Homosexuality, which has been clearly stated as sinful in the Quran, is now considered normal? How come?
I believe that science is the way to find the truth, and the ultimate truth lies in the Quran. So how could there be a contradiction between psychology and the Quran, if psychology is a true science? I was trying to find the missing link. Perhaps my study of psychology was not complete when I graduated from university. Maybe there’s a part of psychology that I have not learned yet, the part that can align my faith with my profession.
I began to search and I found Islamic Psychology. I read Prof. Malik Badri’s book. I could really relate with the Dilemma of Muslim Psychologist. As if I were going into the lizard’s hole, I took everything that had been thought without questioning where it came from. Reading this book convinced me that there is nothing wrong with being a psychologist. I just need to increase my understanding about this field. As I learned more about Islamic Psychology, I knew that the goal of psychotherapy and counselling is more than mental well-being. The goal is Jannah, the happiness in the hereafter.
I experienced the steps Prof. Malik Badri described in his book. I was so proud of psychology when I graduated, I felt like I could help people with the knowledge I had. Then came the cognitive dissonance, I realized that my understanding of psychology was not enough. I thank my friend for asking me to be his psychologist. He made me search for a better way to learn psychology. With Islamic Psychology, I can proudly say to him that In Shaa Allah I can be both his psychologist and friend.
May Allah grant us the ability to learn and develop Islamic Psychology in our own community. May Prof. Malik Badri’s wish of emancipation of Islamic Psychology come true; psychology that is based on the Quran and Sunnah.